KCMI - Counseling Tools

What would cause teens to cut themselves?

A Story:

I took a small kitchen knife and began to cut on my upper thigh. It was kind of awesome. I could focus my pain on the blood running down my leg and not think about what was happening in my house. I stopped cutting when it hurt too much and I couldn't control the pain. But for a moment, I stopped feeling bad."

Jan is one of many teen girls who self-harms as a way of coping with the emotional distress in her life. As bizarre as it might sound, Jan cuts herself to relieve the stress and emotional pain she feels. Stress from school, peers and her family combined with a media driven culture have thrown Jan into such turmoil that harming her body is one way she finds momentary relief from it all. While cutting occurs more often with females across all socio-economic groups,

Jan is not suicidal. She is looking for a way to manage her pain. Self-punishment seems like a workable strategy.

The momentary "high" Jan feels when she cuts her thigh is actually related to a release of endorphins that are secreted into her bloodstream. This release provides a quick numbing or pleasurable sensation and temporarily distracts her from the stress she feels.

Girls like Jan who self-harm often do so because they feel emotionally distant or invalidated by their parents.

Some are rewarded for this behavior by a peer group that also engages in self-harm as a coping mechanism for stress and feelings of disconnection. Some are using this as a form of intimidation and manipulation, demanding attention. Others describe feeling "dead" inside or invisible to parents, and feel alive or confirmed in their existence when they cut. For many, cutting is a way to manage overly demanding parents.

Self-mutilation is often hidden under clothing. Cutting usually takes place on the arms, thighs and legs and/or the abdomen. A sibling might notice the marks or a parent may find a razor or sharp object in the adolescent's room. And if a teen has a habit of becoming highly distressed and locking herself in her bedroom, she may be inflicting self-harm as a form of self-punishment. This is often the case with the eating disorder girls. They would rather harm themselves than openly deal with a conflict or challenge a parent.

Obviously, self-harm requires intervention by a mental health professional. The best treatment is family therapy with a skilled and trained family therapist. Therapy usually focuses on improving family communication, lessening expectations and demands, teaching conflict resolution, problem-solving and developing closer and more meaningful relationships with parents and siblings.

In addition to family therapy, girls who self-harm have to learn to identify the triggers that lead to cutting, learn to control their thoughts and solve problems. They need to be taught that harming themselves is not an appropriate way to feel alive or cope with emotional pain.

Spiritually, feeling connected to God, their Father and developing an intimacy with God is the best way to feel validated and alive.

Understanding that God unconditionally accepts them regardless of their accomplishments, accepts their failures, promises peace in the middle of their emotional storms and is always present and willing to help can be life changing. The momentary "high" that comes from cutting can be replaced with God's peace and transforming power. Learning to bring all burdens to the cross is key.

The truth is that the blood of Jesus has already been spilled and no other blood sacrifice is required.