KCMI - Counseling Tools
Keys to developing self-control
"Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." (Prov. 25:28)
The starting point for developing self-control is to face what God has already said about me: I am responsible for my behavior.
Self-control brings with it the good feeling of competency. Like a finely tuned precision automobile, your life stays on course with the slightest touch of steering. The results of self-control are confidence and an inner sense of security.
Self-control and self-discipline are also key factors in any success you hope to have in this life. Without self-discipline, you are unlikely to achieve anything of lasting value. The Apostle Paul realized this when he wrote, "Every athlete in training submits to strict discipline, in order to be crowned with a wreath that will not last; but we do it for one that will last forever."-(1 Cor. 9 :25 GNB.
Olympic athletes train for years in order to have a chance to win a brief moment of glory. But the race we are running is far more important than any earthly athletic event. So self-control is not optional for Christians.
How do we gain real self-control? God's Word is quite clear on this subject. Let me suggest seven steps to self-control.
1. Admit your problem
The starting point for developing self-control is to face what God has already said about me: I am responsible for my behavior. James 1:14 says, "A man's temptation is due to the pull of his own inward desires, which greatly attract him." (PH, emphasis added) Do you realize what that says?
It says you do things because you like to! When I do something I know is bad for me, I still do it because I like to do it. I want to do it. It's an inner desire.
Do you want more self-control? Admit you have a problem and be specific about it. Begin praying specifically about your problem areas.
2. Put your past behind you
Philippians 3:13-14 says, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal." This verse exposes a misconception that will keep you from gaining self-control: Once a failure, always a failure. Failure in the past does not mean you'll never be able to change.
Focusing on past failures, however, does guarantee their repetition. It's like driving a car and looking in the rearview mirror the whole time. You're going to collide with what's ahead of you. You've got to put your past behind you.
3. Talk back to your feelings
Do you let your moods manipulate you? God doesn't want you to be controlled by your feelings. He wants you to master your moods. With Christ as the Master of your life you can learn to master your feelings. Talk back to them. Learn to challenge your emotions.
In Titus 2:11-12 we read, "For the grace of God ... teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives."
God's grace gives us the power to do what is right. God gives you the ability to say no to that feeling, to that desire, to that impulse.
4. Believe you can change
The Fruit of the Spirit begins in your thought life. The seed must be planted in your mind. The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel determines the way you act.
God gave us the power to change our habits when he gave us the power to choose our thoughts.
Does Romans 1:2 tell us to be transformed by working hard at it or by sheer willpower? No. What are we to be transformed by? The renewing of the mind. When your self-control is being tested, you need to fill your mind with the promises of God.
1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
That's a fact. If you are a Christian, you cannot ever say, "The temptation was too strong; I couldn't help myself." The Bible says God is faithful. If you're a Christian, he won't let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. He never puts more on you than he puts in you to bear it.
5. Make yourself accountable
Find someone who will check up on you, pray for you, and encourage you in the areas where you want to develop more self-control. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "Two men can resist an attack that would defeat one man alone." (GNB)
If you are serious about self-control, find someone in your church (or if you need to, find someone in another church) and go to him or her and say, "I have this problem. I've confessed it to God. I've asked forgiveness, and now I want to ask you to help me. Will you be my 'buddy,' a person I can call on the phone when I need support and encouragement?"
I believe God intends for every church to be filled with "buddy" relationships where people are accountable to each other, relationships where people help and encourage each other in the Lord. Having someone hold you accountable is tough, but it works.
6. Avoid temptation
It's just pure common sense: Don't put yourself in situations where you'll face temptation. If you struggle with alcohol, don't go into a bar. If you're struggling to lose weight, don't load the refrigerator with ice cream. Do whatever you must to avoid temptation.
7. Depend on Christ's power
There's nothing you can do as well without Christ as you can with him. Any struggle you're facing will be easier to conquer with his help.
Don't make the mistake of thinking you have to clean up all your messes before you ask God for help. That's silly. That's like curing yourself of a disease before you drive down and see the doctor. Go to God first and get his help in all your battles.
The secret of self-control is Christ's control. Then, as you face temptations that are too strong for you to resist, remember that he is with you and turn them over to him. Remember, Christ provides the power to change your life!